Friday, August 8, 2008

Missing You Today Mom

As I said in my funeral talk, my mom wasn't just a part of my life, she was a part of my day.  Before she was sick I was with her at least 4 times a week and called her at least once a day.  When she was sick I was there everyday.  And now?  I don't quite know what to do with myself.  Josh is feeling the same.  What do we do now?  I miss her more than I ever imagined I would.  It's a constant ache.  Like a stomach ache mixed with nerves and anxiety.  It's hard to explain.
So today Josh and I met up with some of our family and went to the mall for lunch and to ride the merry-go-round.  We used to do this often with mom because it was a cheap way to entertain my kids.  

Then we went to the cemetery.  I think we stayed there for an hour.  It was as if we were hanging out with mom. 


We miss you MOM!!


Brooke said...

My mom and I were the same way too. I think some part of me is still waiting for her to come back and be my best friend like she was before. It's so hard. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Maybe if you are still in UT when I get back we can get our kids together sometimes and fill up some of that time that we used to spend with our moms.

Dawn said...

I wish I could have been there too. I remember calling her and hearing she was at the mall riding the merry-go-round. You did that often.
Thanks for taking my kids. ;)
I will admit - I was talking to Aaron about your possible move and told him, I was excited for you but a bit nervous for me. I think you, me and Josh hang out together the most. I will have to make Josh hang with me if you end up leaving.
I loved how Mom was willing to go ANYWHERE as long as her kids were with her - Merry-go-round, icky Mexican place, sit in the car for errands, etc.
I miss her too - a lot.
Hope you have a good day!!

Becky, yep said...

Time all wounds shall heal! Hang in there!

ps, we love the merry go round too!

Debbie said...

On my way home from Lehi today I got the urge to call Kathy and say like I do anytime I go down to Utah County to see Kami, "I am driving by your house right now." So sad!

Kami said...

We had fun today! It was good to see you and your family. I bet it feels so strange, I can't even imagine. I am glad you guys are all so close.

The Gatherum Family said...

I remember the empty days! I was the only sister who was married and didn't work so my mom and I hung out EVERY day-it sucked so bad when she was gone. Not only to not hang out, but to not be able to call her for advice-I promise, I called her on accident several times after she died and even now, I sometimes feel like, hey, I need to call mom...then it hits again that she's not here. NOt fun at all. I am so sorry...Any time you need to fill the space, call me and we can meet up-I want to get together-I'll call you. Hope you are okay, Love, Adrian

Logan and Ashley said...

It was great to talk to you today. I know you will get through this, it will just take time and a lot of tears. Let it take its course! You need to feel all of this to get through it! Luv ya!!

Kristine said...

Sounds like a good day with your kids and your brother. It is so nice to have siblings! They are so heaven sent most of the time!

Kelli said...

I love the Merry-Go-Round pictures. What a great way to smile and remember your mom. Looks like a beautiful cemetery.

It was so good to talk to you the other night. I wish I would have had more time. I'll call again soon. And remember, I'm here. Call me anytime. :) (I think your package should be there any day if you haven't gotten it by now.)

Heather @ A Boy, A Girl, A Pug said...

I can't even imagine the pain you are in right now. I am very close to my mom and know that you have to be hurting.

Your kids look so very sweet on that merry go round. What a wonderful way to remember your mom. I hope it helped. Still thinking of you every day.

Marti said...

I have been thinking a lot about you! I can't imagine how I would live without my mom! I 'm sure she is close and misses you just as much.