She has been telling us that she is ready to go. She's tired of fighting this awful disease. She's exhausted, worn out, and tired. I wish I could say that I'm ready to let her go but I'm not. Then again I don't know if I'll ever be ready to say good-bye to my mom. No matter how old you are, your mom is your mom and I need my mom.
Today's lesson in Relief Society was on death. I knew it would be because I teach Relief Society out of the Joseph Smith manual. I was glad it wasn't my week to teach. I couldn't have done that yet. But I really have a strong testimony of life after death. I know I will see my mom again, but I'll miss her. I know she'll be happy, but there will be days that I won't. I have heard that the dead are among us daily, but I won't be able to see her. I don't know if I'll even be able to feel her. That void will be felt daily. My life is about to change dramatically. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have. I am grateful that my parents were married in the temple and that I was married in the temple. I'm grateful for eternal families.
Today we gathered again as a family to celebrate Adam's and Aly's birthday. My little Aly is going to be one on Saturday. Wow! Where has the time gone? July has sneaked up on me. I was looking forward to July. I had a goal of running that 10k race and losing weight by Aly's birthday and now I don't even care. There are more important things in life than that. I'm registered to run (with a little encouragement from my friends:) but if I don't make it, oh well!
My mom got Aly a church book with her testimony written in it. My mom has a huge tumor in her right hand so it is very difficult for her to write. She wrote in this book and I will always cherish it. She also got her the "Grandma" Willow Tree figurine. Things like this make me grateful for the time that we have to prepare. She usually would get Aly a gift that she might need or something I would want her to have, but now they are special. Things I will always treasure.
I will be okay. I have been raised well and my mom taught me to be strong. I will continue to raise my children the way my wonderful mom raised me. I will take care of my dad. I will take care of my brothers. I will lean on my sisters. And I will be more in tune each and everyday so that I will never miss a visit from my mom. She promised she would let me know that she is there and I will hold her to that promise.
I love you mom!!