My mom always taught me to "buck up", "shut up and like it", "be strong", and to "do something out of the ordinary" when I get down. She would always hear me out, validate my feelings, but then pat me on the bum and tell me to go get 'em (so to speak). I kinda knew in the back of her mind she was rolling her eyes knowing in her wisdom that "this too shall pass" but she always made me feel that what I was feeling was important.
I need her now!!!
I've lost my groove. I am in a funk (I keep telling my husband). He asked me if I thought I needed to see a counselor just to help me grieve but I replied, "I just need my mom." And I don't think my mom would allow me to see a counselor. She never thought that stuff was necessary. We are too strong on our own. She taught me to be strong.
So here is my own personal counseling session. Read at your own risk and don't feel like you need to fix me. Just listen:)
I've lost my desire:
-to go outside and enjoy the sunshine
-to get up and ready in the morning
-to be social
-to enjoy my kiddos
-my house in Lehi
-my friends in Lehi
-my friends in Utah
-my desires for all of the above
Too much change:
April 28-mom diagnosed with cancer
July 27-mom dies
August 4-we are given an offer to move to Indiana
October 17- Brett moves to Indiana
October 24-we sell our house in Utah (I LOVED that house)
December 1-the kids and I move to Indiana
December thru March- Indiana=change
March 13-my dad gets engaged (yep, I finally said it. He's engaged!!)
*A Job-we actually have a job that pays us pretty well. Brett loves his job. He is very successful at his job.
*Our house-it really is beautiful. It's not home yet but it will get there.
*My friends-I have been taken in by many good people out here.
*Brett-he has been so wonderful throughout this whole change. He supports me, helps me, loves me. Our marriage has been truly strengthened being out here on our own.
*My kids-they are a challenge but I am blessed to have them. They put up with me, they forgive me, and they love me.
I really am blessed so at times I wonder why this is so hard for me. I need to pull it together for my kids sake, for Brett's sake, and most importantly for my sake. I am trying.
Be patient with me. Especially those of you here in Indiana who don't know me (this isn't me).
-to enjoy this great opportunity
-to be a good example to those around me
-to enjoy running again
-to feel okay to take care of me
-to feel my mom around me
-to be the kind of mom my mom was to me
-to serve others
-to be happy
I'll get there.....