Today my mom's best friend and her daughter and my friend, Kami came to my house and watched my kids all day long so I could be with my mom. It is so hard to spend some good quality time with my mom when I have my kids with me, so this was such a gift.
My mom spends most of her time either in bed or in a wheel chair now. She hasn't left her bedroom in over a week because she is just too weak. It's hard for her to do everything. But she continues to smile and laugh with her children. I absolutely love being there. She has always been the one to make me feel better in any situation and this one is no exception. She lights up my life.
When I first found out that my mom had cancer I wasn't sure I liked the knowledge of limited time with her. I almost just wished she'd have gone quickly one night in her sleep. That way I wouldn't have to watch her suffer. But this time we've had has been such a gift. I have been able to serve her in a way that I never thought I would. Jenn gives her leg massages every day, Dawn gets her ready, washes her hair and does her make-up, we all have taken turns getting her meals, water, ice..... the list goes on. It isn't comfortable for my mom to ask for help. She has always been so independent so we have created a different relationship with her. Even though it is hard to watch, it is priceless to be able to take care of her the way she has always taken care of me.
I can't imagine my life without her. We now talk about that because it is reality but I still can't believe it is happening. I am trying so hard to prepare for it but at the same time, it isn't going to happen. When this is all over things will go back to normal and normal is with my mom.
It is hard for me to sift through all that I am feeling so I leave it up to Josh to keep you all updated, but somedays I just need to vent and someday I will want to read this.