Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Each Day Is A Gift

I feel this way every day when I drive to my mom's house.  I am lucky I still have her here, even if it is for a short time.  
Many of you read my brother's blog which has regular updates about my mom, but for those of you who don't, I will update you.  Yesterday we all gathered at my mom's house to have a girls luncheon.  Meanwhile my dad has been concerned about my mom's stomach.  It looks kind of bloated and he thought she was starving to death.  So he made an appointment to see the doctor.  Luckily we were all gathered together at her house because we got yet another blow.  The first round of chemo had done nothing.  In fact the tumors grew and her stomach is not bloated, it is full of cancer.  There is nothing more the doctors can do.  They sent her home to have hospice care.  No more chemo, no more MRI's, no more tests.  My mom can now stay home surrounded by her family.  
I feel a sense of panic.  I don't want to miss an hour or even a minute.  Her days are numbered now.  Each day is a gift.
My brother Adam comes home from Peru tomorrow.  He's been on an internship and he left the day before we found out my mom even had cancer.  He has missed this whole process.  It will be good to have him home to complete our family.
Our next goal is to get my mom to the temple next Tuesday when my sister, Ashley will be sealed to her husband Rob.  I can't wait to be in the temple with my family.
I am so grateful for the gospel plan.  It means more to me now than ever.  I was blessed with wonderful parents who taught me what is important.  I will always cherish my relationship with my mom.  It is so much sweeter with the gospel perspective.  I love you mom!

19 comments:

amy said...

My heart is heavy for you today, I cried when I got off the phone with Misti this morning and I said a prayer for you. The temple is a wonderful place and I always go there to feel closer to my Mom. Please know I am here if you need anything.

Becky, yep said...

Such a strong family! My Mom said that your Mom is calm and surrounded by the love of your family! I'm thankful that Adam is coming home and so glad that your Mom gets to see Ashley sealed! I hope it a special day for you all!
Keep haning in there!

Jenna said...

Oh Amanda,I am so sorry. You are blessed to have such a great family. My prayers are with you guys through this hard time.

Shauna said...

Oh, I hope she makes it to the temple to see Ashley. We still pray for her, especially to have comfort at this time.

The Gatherum Family said...

Amanda,
You are so strong. I admire your attitude and the fact that you are keeping an eternal perspective about such a horrible time in your life. I am thinking about you and praying for your family. I am so glad that your mom will get to see your sister sealed. Neal and I and the boys were sealed 2 weeks before my mom went into hospice care. I was so grateful for that! Let me know what I can do...Adrian

Kami said...

I was talking to Adrian and we would love to go to dinner with you to talk about how we could help you out. And so we can talk and cry. We are here for you, we love you and your whole family. You have a great attitude, keep it up!

Staci said...

I am so sorry to hear that. It will all work out in the end. It is so encouraging to hear how positive you are, even though this must be such a difficult time for you.

Debbie said...

Your family is such an example to all of us. The strength is pretty amazing to watch right now. This time will be so hard, but special at the same time.
I had to laugh when I heard your Dad tell about how you took the chair, then came back, then they didn't need it again. That must have been stressful, but sort of funny. Just keep praying for comfort, Amanda, it will come.

estanworth said...

I don't even know what to say. I am praying for you so that you will have the strength you need to endure. I am so sorry to hear- spend every single minute you can with your mom. Build those memories that you will be able to carry with you forever!

Kelli said...

Amanda, I can hardly see through my tears. I'm so sorry.

You are so right - each day is a gift. I hope you can all be at the temple together.

Brooke said...

You sound like you are doing so well. You are an inspiration. I know it's hard to balance your responsibilities at home with your desire to be with your mom every minute. It can be a difficult thing to manage. I know that your mom will love every second she spends with you and your family, but understands that you have to be a wife and mother too. I remember having the hardest time saying goodbye to my mom before I left every night. I always wondered if those would be the last words I said to her. I know that you and your mom have a wonderful relationship. One of the things that has given me comfort is knowing that my mom and I said all the things we needed to say to eachother our whole lives. We loved eachother to the fullest long before she got sick. I wish with every ounce of my being that she was still here with me but I have no regrets about the relationship that we had and still have. I know you and your mom have that same kind of relationship and it will bring you both so much comfort.

Lauren said...

Amanda, I'm so sorry. I hope that your Mom continues to do well. How exciting that you get to go to the temple. What a fantastic place to be together as a family. You are in my thoughts and prayers. :

Jen said...

Amanda, I'm so sorry. I hope that your mom is at least not in too much pain. This is such a tough time & I am constantly praying for you & putting you & your mom on the temple prayer roll.

Logan and Ashley said...

I am so sorry and you know how much I think and pray for you!! I hope that through this process your mom will be as comfortable as possible and that you will be able to spend as much time as you can with her! I am also so excited for you to all go to the temple. That will be such a sweet experience! I love you, be strong!

Kristine said...

You have so much great support on this blog! I hope that the temple will be a sweet day and that you are able to feel peace and love. You and your family are in my prayers. Love from Rob and I.

Amy said...

Amanda:

Becky Tyler (Carlson) sent me your blog and Josh's blog so that I could get updates on your mom. We are all thinking of you and your family and the Quilting Club chain of communication just doesn't offer frequent enough updates. Please know the Poulsons, as well as families all over, are praying for your mom and your family. What a testament to the kind of person she is that she has such wonderful children who rally and support in a crisis, show so much strength and courage, and above all else love her and each other. If we can do anything to help you all through this time, put it out there. We will all keep praying. ..

Amy Poulson

Jamie said...

Amanda,

I am so so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Tina said...

We're sorry to hear about your mom.

Anners said...

I'm just so sorry. You always want to be the miracle. But, maybe in its own way, knowing your time together here on earth is finite helps you focus on how you really want to spend your time with someone - maybe in its own way that is the miracle. What you are going through is so hard. You are such a good example of how to be a good daughter/person. I'm sure your mom is so proud to have you. Take care & know so many people are sending their love and prayers your way. I hope your mom can manage her pain and you get as many moments as you can with her. Take care.