Tuesday, June 3, 2008

This Week

I haven't updated about my mom lately because there really isn't any more news.  She had her MRI on Sunday of last week and it confirmed that she does have a tumor in her brain.  It is really small and easy to remove but it disqualified her for the clinical study that we were so excited to start.  
She will have the tumor in her brain removed this Thursday by the Gamma Knife procedure.  It should be simple and painless.  She does have to have a cage of some sort screwed into her head but the doctors have assured her that she won't feel a thing.  She'll be very relaxed and a little sedated.  Easy for them to say.  But really it is a blessing that we live in a time where technology and medicine have come a long way.
She will begin chemo on Sunday by taking 4 pills/day for 5 days and then wait 23 days to begin again.  We are hoping this will shrink the tumors in her lungs because she still can't breathe.  What a crummy way to live.

It's weird, when you find out someone you love has a life threatening disease, it's as if they have already been taken from you in a way.  Nothing is normal.  Our life as a family has been completely tipped upside down and now everything feels different.  Mom is now sick; grandma is sick.  Going to grandma's house is different.  
She used to be the one that made me feel better when times got rough.  Now I can't look to her for comfort because she is the one suffering.  I have never prayed and fasted more meaningfully in my whole life, but that is where I draw my strength.  
Brett has been wonderful.  He lets me cry and he just holds me.  He doesn't try to make it all better and he doesn't get tired of hearing how I feel.  He cries with me.  
I do see the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father in this terrible situation.  He really is there.  He knows me and He cries with me.  He has given me many wonderful friends who truly have been instruments in His hands.  
Thank you for all your support.  

12 comments:

Logan and Ashley said...

You made me cry. You tell me all of the time how strong I am, but I now am blessed to draw so much strength from your strength. You are so blessed to have the gospel in your life. I heard a testimony on Sunday from a sister who said the Lord knows the confusions in our minds. In trials like this it is so hard to stay so focused on the good and what the Lord can give us. We can get so confused but through all of that He is there for us if we just lean on him. I know I have been through some stuff, nothing compared to what you are now dealing with, but I know this to be true. I have seen the love from my Father in Heaven and have been so blessed by the atonement of my Savior. I love you and hope you know you can call me whenever you need!! :0)

The Gatherum Family said...

Amanda,
You are so strong and you hit so many nails on the head in this post. There is no better place or way to draw strength then how you are doing it. You are right about life not being normal and about feeling like you have already lost your mom in some ways. But, you can create a new normal, in a lot of ways it will even be a more meaningful normal. I will pray for all of you on Thursday...I hope things go well and I will keep my fingers crossed that the chemo will have the desired affect on the tumors in her lungs. Please know I am here ANYTIME.

Becky, yep said...

We're all still praying and still fasting!
Thanks for the updates!!
Good luck this week!

Lisa Cannon said...

I feel your pain. In 2005, my family was going through a similar situation as you. My mom's husband was very sick with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and mom mom's mom (my grandma) was sick with Colon cancer. It was such a hard time. You hate to see them sick and suffering. They both passed away within about 8 weeks of eachother. My poor mom.

Your mom can beat this! I will continue to pray for her and your family. Cancer is such a sick and ugly disease.

Jen said...

Amanda,
Your strength is amazing! I included you and your family in my fast last week as well. I hope all goes well this week. You are in my prayers all the time! I can't even imagine what this is like. I have never had to go through something like this and never want to. You are amazing!!

Debbie said...

I am amazed by the Gamma Knife. That alone will save your mom a lot of pain and recovery time. You girls are such strong girls and raised so well by your Mom. Keep the faith!

Kami said...

You are so strong, and your faith will be your family's biggest blessing through this trial. I love that scripture (Ether 12:12). It is a good one. We will continue to pray.

Brooke said...

Well, I've written and erased this message about a milllion times now. I just want to let you know again that I am praying for your family and I really know how you feel. Fighting cancer is a horrible rollercoaster of emmotions for the whole family. My mom did well with the gamma knife. It wasn't painful for her and she only had a a few bruises from the halo. Hope this helps you guys feel better about tomorrow.

Anners said...

Amanda, you probably won't know who I am. We grew up in the same neighborhood as you & I'm a cousin to Kami, Becky & Shauna.

I've been following your blog for the last month or so & have wanted to respond, but wasn't sure if I should.

My heart breaks that you all are going thru this. I'm so impressed by the faith and strength you are displaying at this horrible time.

I don't know what else to say, just know one more person is pulling for your mom and praying for the peace/strength you will need to get through this.

Warmly,
Anne

Debbie said...

Second comment. Last night at the Detention Center, I talked about your mom and one of the girls said, "Please tell Kathy to be positive and have hope because a lot of people have miracles in their lives."
This was the 3rd time the girls have prayed for her on their own. So many people love your mom!

Samantha said...

Well, today is the day that your mother goes in for surgery. My prayers are with you and your family today and always. Thanks for the bracelet. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of you and your strength.

the clements family said...

I have been thinking of you today. I am anxious to hear how everything went. Stay strong.