Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My Life

I wish I had other things to post about like summer fun, vacations, anything else.  But this is my life.  And my mom is such a big part of my life that it is hard to think about anything else.  
My mom is slowly recovering from her surgery.  She is so weak and has such a hard time catching  her breath.  She is on oxygen most of the time.  When I go to her house I can hear the oxygen machine running and I follow the long hose to where she is sitting.  But she is there.  I have to tell myself how lucky I am that she is still here.  Some people lost their moms today and my mom is still alive.  How lucky I am.
I have been cleaning her house and doing odd jobs for her.  Add this to being a mom of 3 little children and I am BUSY!!  So don't expect updates regularly anymore.  There hasn't been much change in mom other than she is getting weaker.  The insurance company is fighting them on the chemo they have chosen so that has been pushed back a couple of days.  Hopefully today she will get it and we are praying it makes her feel better.
I remember the day I found out about my mom.  I went running in the morning and after I was finished I sort of had the runner's high.  I'd never felt it before but I began to cry and said a little prayer of gratitude for how blessed I was.  I even said out loud, "Please don't give me a trial because life is so good right now."  That very evening I found out about my mom.  Kind of ironic.  But I have learned so much about myself and about my Savior.  My testimony has grown and I have a better knowledge and understanding of the Atonement.  For that I am grateful.
My brother has created a blog now so for those of you who want to read his feelings link to his blog called "Josh" on my side bar.

12 comments:

Debbie said...

I know your mom reads this, but I am going to say how I really feel. This summer feels so very heavy and sad. All my kids are feeling it also. Often life isn't "even" or fair and this cancer is definately not fair to Kathy and your family. (and to all who love her.) Amanda, feel free to call if there is anything at all we can do to help. That is the problem, we can't really help HER. Keep posting. It is cathartic to read your blog. We love you.

Lauren said...

Hey, Amanda. I know that you don't know me, but I'm your sister in law (Ashley's) BFF. I check your blog often and I just wanted to let you know that your mom and your family are in our thoughts and prayers here in AZ. :) You have adorable kids.

Kami said...

I too want you to continue to post. Even if it helps you through this time. We love you guys.

Josh said...

Yeah it is weird how our emotions keep flipping a U-turn on us. Yesterday I felt so great about things and Mom told me that she heard that her chemo has cured 10 to 20 %. Not just prolonged life, but cured! What if... But now I'm getting ready to go to her house so I'm prepared for the worst, but that's just life now. This is great therapy for everyone so keep posting often. I hope it doesn't sound morbid but it's good to hear how other people are dealing with this. Thanks for everything. Love you.

Brooke said...

Hi Amanda. Would you mind sending me your email address? I wanted to ask you about something but it's a little long to leave on the comments. My email is brookedbarnes@gmail.com
Thanks!

Logan and Ashley said...

Oh Amanda, I hope she recovers well. It will be a long process because she isn't a young super healthy person, but I hope her body gets out of this surgery and that the chemo comes soon. Trials come even if we don't want them, don't they?? They are no fun, but your attitude is amazing and staying close to your Savior is the best thing to do! Love ya, stay strong.

The Gatherum Family said...

Amanda,
I am crying as I write this. I am so sad for you and your family. I am so sorry you guys are going through this horrible thing. I am praying for you and for your mom. I'll talk to you soon. Adrian

Kelli said...

My heart just breaks for you and your family. I read Josh's post last night and cried. I can't even imagine how hard this must be... I wish there was something I could do to help.

I know they say that our trials make us stronger...but I hope you know what a strong person, wonderful daughter, and great mom you already are. It is perfectly understandable that your thoughts are completely consumed by all that is going on. But it's important to steal a moment here and there to recoup and distract yourself for a little bit. Get some ice cream with the kids, try to squeeze in a mini-date night with Brett, go for your morning run... Sometimes these little things help us to better deal with the big, overwhelming, emotional things in our lives.

Thank you for opening up and sharing your feelings about all this. I love ya :)

Jenna said...

I am so sorry your mom is having such a hard time. You too. I know this is such a tough time for you and your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to lighten your load. I love ya and you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Shauna said...

My mom called me today and just cried for your mom. We are still thinking of her everyday and praying for her.

Sarah said...

I'm so sad for your Mom, I can't imagine going through that. I check your blog every once in a while. I was wondering if you cared if we added you guys to our friends. You can check ours out if you want, www.mattpiercefamily.com. Good luck with your Mom, Take Care. Sarah

Anners said...

Amanda, everytime I read your blog my heart just breaks. I can't imagine how scary and overwhelming all of it must be. Again, so many of us (even me who doesn't know your family real well, but knows people who do) are praying and pulling for your mom. Take care.