Friday, May 23, 2008

I'm Really Tired of Bad News

mom surrounded by her grandchildren on Mother's Day

I hate to say it but I have more crappy news today.  The dumb doctors didn't take a full scan of my mom's brain the last time she met with them...like 3 weeks ago.  So she was approved for the study.  Well she went in to do the paper work for the study and was told she needed to do a brain scan first.
IT'S IN HER BRAIN:(
Now she no longer qualifies for the study (now that we've wasted a whole month just waiting around for the stupid doctors).  She has to be operated on as soon as possible.  However there is a possibility that the cancer in her brain is inoperable.  In that case we stick to chemo and just hope for a miracle (and I'm sick and tired of saying that but it seems that is our only hope right now).
I'm frustrated with the doctors and with this whole situation.  I'm tired of only hearing bad news. I feel so out of control.  I pray my guts out and know that God's will will be done anyway so what's the point. (No I'm not losing my faith or testimony, I'm just mad)

We are having another fast beginning Saturday evening into Sunday.  She goes in for an MRI on Sunday evening at 7:00 pm.  If you would like, please fast with us.  It seems we need all the faith and support we can get right now.

14 comments:

Jenna said...

I am so,so sorry. AS I told you on the phone...ANYTHING you need. I will fast and keep my prayers with you and your family.

Samantha said...

You can count me in for the fast. I will begin Saturday evening. I do think about you often. I tried to call the other day, but you were not available. Just remember that miracles happen in unexpected ways. Sometimes we have to experience the bad before we can enjoy the good. My prayers are with you and your family. (I hope I win an arm band. I don't have one and I would really like one.
:-) )

Kami said...

That is so frustrating. I am so sorry, this is going to be such a roller coaster for your family for a while. We will continue with our prayers.

Lisa Cannon said...

I am so sorry for your family. I think about you guys often and hope that everything works out. Cancer is such an ugly, horrible disease!!

The Gatherum Family said...

I don't even know what to say. I am thinking of you and praying...I tried calling last night-I'll try again today. Call if you need ANYTHING. Adrian

Becky, yep said...

It SUCKS! I'm back to sayin' my angry prayers. This whole thing SUCKS!

Liz said...

I am so sorry Amanda. That is horrible. I will definitely keep you and your mom in my prayers.

Debbie said...

I hope we find peace about this situation. It is like one shock after another. We will join the fast and pray for her and all of us who love her. Keep the faith.

Jenna said...

I know I already commented, but I came across a quote today that I thought might bring you comfort..."Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed." ~ Jeffrey R. Holland

Shauna said...

Thinking about your mom and your family. I hope and pray for the miracle you guys need.

Kelli said...

I wish I knew of something to say that would give you some comfort. I know you must be feeling discouraged. I would be angry too. I'm sorry I missed the fast. Our ward is fasting this coming Sunday for a few members in our ward who are dealing with cancer as well. I will include your mom in my fast. Ultimately, like you said, things are left up to Heavenly Father's will, but I think He also wants to see what we are willing to do and how much faith we show in difficult situations. Seeking treatment,making lifestyle changes, our mental outlook, prayer, fasting, supporting each other, etc... I do think it makes a difference than if we didn't do any of those things. I know your mom appreciates all that you are doing for her. She's blessed to have such a loving and supportive family to help her through this.

Debbie said...

Amanda, Did you give all your bracelets away? I would like one for this journey if you have an extra. If not, don't worry. It sounded like Memorial Day was a good one for your Mom.

Staci said...

Amanda, so sorry to hear that news.. We will pray for a miracle!

Jamie Densley Fieber said...

Amanda,
Maybe you might not even read this since i'm writing it a long time after you posted this, but I wanted to write a little something. I remember being in your same position after they found the tumors in my mom's brain. I felt completely helpless and felt very frustrated while praying. I knew God would do what needed to happen but i felt so distant from an answer. I would pray off and on depending on how mad i was that day. Everything you wrote about is pretty much normal for what you're going through. Don't let anybody tell you that it is wrong to feel that way at times. I had a few tell me that and it always just made me feel worse. You do have a testimony and if you ever need to vent or just ask questions you can always call brooke or I. We pray for you always and are available for anything. 801-310-1606 Much love!